Big news! Special audit report on three years of no profit in the company

(Source: The Wolf of Wall Street)

Content from a certain red book, please delete if infringed

Special audit report on my inability to achieve profitability after 3 years of work

To all shareholders concerned about my financial situation (mainly my parents urging me to save money):

I have accepted the commission to conduct a special audit on the significant matter of “where has all the money gone” after 3 years of work. The audit results are now disclosed as follows:

1. Audit Scope

Audit period: 2023-2025

Audit location: Shenzhen, China

2. Revenue Situation

Total revenue after 3 years of work: [Not disclosed].

3. Major Expenditure Details

1️⃣ Rent and utilities

Monthly rent 4000 × 36 months = 144,000

Audit note: Provided the landlord with a down payment for a house, may the good person have peace all their life.

2️⃣ Mental health expenses for motivating myself to work

Coffee/tea/delicious food: I can’t hold on without it

Audit note: Expenditure on tokens for the skilled and intelligent.

3️⃣ Beauty, hair, and nails

Washing, cutting, and care: 200 yuan per session bi-weekly

Nail art: 150 yuan per session

Beauty treatments: 1k-3k yuan per session (too expensive)

Audit note: Beauty expenses can be capitalized, counted towards my value, no impairment provision made.

4️⃣ Travel

Local trips: 1-2 times per quarter

International trips: 1-2 times per year

Audit note: Considered necessary costs for “gaining experience,” capitalized. Also aligns with the principle of “see more while young, what to do when old.”

5️⃣ Other Significant Matters

Impulse purchases: A whole bunch of Disney, ckw, Sanrio, and Pop Mart dolls

Ski trip equipment expenses: Accumulated over 40,000+

Skateboarding lessons not attended: 5 sessions for 1k

4. Balance Sheet (as of March 2026)

💰 Assets:

Bank card balance: The remaining change after paying rent

Skincare products: Half a bottle left, about to run out 😭

Clothes: Two large cabinets but only a few frequently worn items

Financial assets: Holding for years still shines green

Intangible assets: Legal practice qualification certificate

😭 Liabilities:

A pile of bills and rent: Salary transferred in seconds T-T

Dream trips to Australia, Europe, and Antarctica: Indefinitely postponed

5. Audit Conclusion

Upon verification, I have achieved:

✅ Maintaining a beginner level in skiing

✅ Pretty food/travel check-in photos over 5000+

✅ Nail art styles over 30+

✅ Coffee and tea consumption supporting three shops

✅ Actively contributing to Shenzhen’s GDP

6. Management Recommendations

Based on the above findings,

I recommend myself:

Start keeping accounts this month (said it for 3 years, really starting this time)

Reduce coffee and tea to one cup a week (please supervise T T)

Change pretty food outings to twice a month (can’t have no social life 😭 Can I just drink water?)

7. Follow-up

After this report is published,

I will continue to work hard in Shenzhen,

Striving in the next 3 years,

To turn “cumulative losses” into “substantial profits.”

⚠️ Special Reminder:

The above financial situation may trigger fluctuations in my valuation.

A wealth of information and precise interpretations can be found in the Sina Finance APP.