Gambling Life
Life is like a gamble that can never be saved, starting from the first cry when we are born, we are pushed to the gambling table of fate. The chaotic dice cup spins in the void, and every small choice is like a stone thrown into a deep pool, stirring up ripples of destiny. Borges wrote in "The Garden of Forking Paths": "Time always forks, leading to countless futures," and every future is a grand bet that stakes our remaining life.
Heraclitus said, "Character is fate," and the first watershed of fate often lies hidden in the desk drawer. When we write down the first solution on a math test, when we borrow the first book that goes beyond the syllabus in the library, these seemingly random choices are in fact a gamble made with youth. The Sisyphus in Camus's writing pushes the stone up the hill, isn't he just like every youth battling with problems late at night? Kierkegaard wrote in "The Concept of Anxiety": "Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom," and when we stand at the crossroads of the division between the arts and sciences, that trembling with sweaty palms is the primal awe of life towards the unknown.
Just like the "Five Hundred Robbers Becoming Buddhas" in Cave 285 of the Mogao Caves, every choice made during youth is like the glint of swords and knives in the mural, seemingly cruel yet hiding the opportunity for rebirth. Sartre said, "Existence precedes essence," and as we erase and write with pencil and eraser, we gradually outline the contours of life. Those mistakes circled in red by the teacher, those clouds gazed at while running on the playground, all become the numbers jumping in the dice cup, quietly rewriting the script of destiny.
Young people who have just entered society are like gamblers holding a one-way ticket. The absurd court depicted by Kafka in "The Trial" resembles the anxiety faced when dealing with HR during job hunting; Heidegger's idea of being "thrown into the world" manifests in the cold reality of rental contracts and probation assessments. Yet, as Nietzsche said, "overcome this era in oneself," some view the 996 work culture as a necessary path to accumulate chips, while others see freelancing as a leverage to gain much with little.
The "General Zhang Yichao's Troop Departure Painting" in the Dunhuang murals is akin to a metaphor for the modern workplace, where each role performs the drama of loyalty and betrayal in its own position. When we argue our case at the conference table or stare at the blue light of the screen during late-night overtime, these moments are like the pigments of the murals in Cave 156 of Mogao Grottoes, still vividly telling after thousands of years: the true gamble is not in winning or losing, but in maintaining clear awareness with every choice.
Qian Zhongshu said in "Fortress Besieged": "Marriage is like a besieged city; those outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out," which resembles the hesitation of staring at chips at a gambling table. When we flip through profiles at a matchmaking corner and exchange rings in the wedding hall, we are essentially betting half a lifetime of happiness. Tolstoy wrote at the beginning of "Anna Karenina": "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way," which reveals the cruelest truth of the marriage gamble - there is no surefire formula, only the courage to accept the stakes.
In the "Sutra of Gratitude" depicted in Cave 85 of the Mogao Caves in Dunhuang, the scene where the prince wagers his eyeball resembles the sacrifices and fulfillments in modern marriage. When we choose a school district house for our children and vigil by the sickbed all night, these choices are like the Buddha picking flowers in the murals, blooming with compassion that transcends winning and losing amidst suffering. Just like the Bodhisattva holding a lotus in Cave 328, the ultimate meaning of marriage lies not in what we grasp, but in the calmness we find when we let go.
As the years etch their rings at the corners of our eyes, the betting game enters its most thrilling stage. Romain Rolland said, "The real warrior is the one who sees the truth of life and still loves it." Those who choose to start a business at retirement age, and those who persist in writing even on their sickbeds, illustrate through their actions the happiness of Sisyphus as described by Camus — "The struggle to reach the top is itself enough to fill a person's heart."
Just like the "Infinite Life Sutra Transformation" in Cave 17 of the Mogao Caves, every choice in old age shines with the glassy light of the Pure Land of Buddha, illuminating the path we have traveled and guiding us home. When we start to sort through our old belongings and write the last period on our will, these choices become the final points in the dice cup. But as the "Diamond Sutra" from the Dunhuang Sutra Cave states: "The past mind cannot be obtained, the present mind cannot be obtained, the future mind cannot be obtained," the essence of life lies not in winning or losing at the gambling table, but in the attitude of being fully engaged in every moment.
Standing at the gambling table of life, we are both the dealer and the gambler. Kierkegaard said, "To choose to be oneself" requires immense courage, for every decision is like a stone thrown into a deep pool, stirring the ripples of fate. But just as the murals of the Mogao Caves in Dunhuang remain brilliant despite the sands of time, those moments we passionately wagered have long transformed ordinary days into eternal treasures. When the dice finally come to rest, we will find that true victory lies not in how many chips we have accumulated, but in whether we have lived out our own dignity and glory.
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